Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
