his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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