he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
