WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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