I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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