Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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