So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
