woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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