She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
