The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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