There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
