hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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