dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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