All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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