Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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