I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
