you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
