i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
