There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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