well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
