i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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