And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
