we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dick very happy bro
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
