Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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