he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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