me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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