The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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