we have pet lesbian snakes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
