Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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