she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
