My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize