i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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