i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Do vagina's smell?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
