No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
