I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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