Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
