Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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