If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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