I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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