That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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