Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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