I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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