speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
