do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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