we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
