but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
