I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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