You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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