So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
