I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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