Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
