I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
