i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
