when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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