Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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