I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
