Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
